I’m in a bit of a funk, and a large part of it is the weather. I had a great vacation, which was probably the last gasp of wearing long sleeves outdoors for five months or so, but when I got back after two days of feeling refreshed I was felled by a stomach bug. Post-acute stomach bug, I’m really tired. It’s also spring, which I know a lot of people love, but I just cannot with the blooming and the heat, and the severe weather season, and hurricane season, and, oh, have I mentioned the humidity?
This newsletter has sort of inadvertently become a book newsletter, which is in a way fitting since I am largely composed of books, coffee, and beer (though I’m cutting down on two of the three of those) but wasn’t exactly what I had planned for it, insofar as I had a plan. (I did not.)
I’ve become interested in writing beyond my interest in reading things others have written, but as soon as I signed myself up to a big commitment that is going to have me writing a lot, I got writer’s block, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I had one really great online class but followed that up with one that didn’t hold my interest as well, so it didn’t generate as much as I’d hoped.
I’m guessing this will jazz me up, though:
I want being chronically ill to be the least interesting thing about me, but I also spend a lot of time thinking about it, and how I relate to having a disability/being disabled (I have a half-formed essay about that terminology in my Google Drive somewhere). I recently read a book about disability justice that was really interesting but I have this really annoying habit of seizing onto one little thing and letting it take over my brain. In this case, the author mentioned getting her nails done, which struck me as incongruous given all her references to the need for things being fragrance-free, and also from an economic justice standpoint given the working conditions for many nail technicians and the health risks they incur from exposures to chemicals, but then I felt like an asshole for being judgy about it because people should have small luxuries to enjoy and an even bigger asshole because I sometimes get my nails done. Other ways I am not infrequently a hypocritical asshole: shopping on Amazon (not for books, though, that’s a line in the sand!); using self-checkout; being body positive for other people while simultaneously hating my body’s current size.
I am vast, I contain multitudes, and I still hate the humidity.